#1340
Tork: I've got the hat!
Date: 12/18/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
um.....now what?
Lita: Hmmmm....I never really thought about that.
42: Hey, it's snowing! Let's build a snowman!
Lita: What?
42: I never get to build a snowman. Clones never get to do anything.
Lita: Hey, I never get to build a snowman either, but you don't hear me bitching about it.
Mickey: Hey, let's put the hat on the snowman's head!
Tork: I risked my life just for this?
Mickey: Sure...what else we're we going to do?
Tork: I thought maybe hold it for ransom, or something. I don't know...
(The group builds the snowman, and a fine one at that. Mickey puts PM's hat on the snowman, but..................)
o/' There must have been some magic in that old pharaoh hat they found...
Lita: Who the hell's singing?
o/' for when they placed it on his head, he started to stomp their asses into the ground
Mickey: Ow...get it off!
Lita: Nice idea, Mickey!
Mickey: Hey the hat's possessed. How was I supposed to know.
Snowman: Happy Birthday, mother &@$%^*!!!
Lita: Why do all you're ideas lead us into these situations?
Mickey: Name one!
Lita: Well, nothing exactly like this comes to mind, but you know...
Evil Mike: Will you two shutup! I'm freezing!
Mickey: Well, you know where your clothes are!
Evil Mike: No I don't! I tore them off and just threw them somewhere!
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Ahhh...a heartwarming holiday tale.
#1341
[Lita] What?!?!? A Christmas party?!?!?
Date: 12/18/2001
From: PharaohMobius
<<<Elswhere Mode>>>
[Rimmer] What's going on?
[Lita] PM's having a Christmas party and he didn't invite us!!!
[Rimmer] That jerk!
[Cave Rimmer] If you ask me, we should go crash his party and beat him up!
[Lita] Yeah!!!
[Rimmer] Man, I'm a genius!
[Cave Rimmer] Why, thank me!
[Evil Mike walks into the room] What's this I hear about beating somebody up? Count me in!
[Lita] But you don't even know who we're beating up yet!
[Evil Mike] Has that ever stopped me before?
[Lita] Whatever. Anyway, we're going to go beat up PM because he didn't invite us to his Christmas party!
[Evil Mike] Oh. Say, those invitations wouldn't have come in red and green festive Christmas envelopes, would they?
[Lita] Huh?
[Evil Mike] And they wouldn't have had Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer stamps on them, would they?
[Cave Rimmer] I don't like where this is going...
[Lita, suspiciously] Why is it you ask, Evil Mike?
[Evil Mike] No reason! Except...
[Rimmer] Except what?
[Evil Mike] Except that a whole bunch of those came, one with each of our names on it, in the mail the other day. I threw 'em away 'cause a party would only get in the way of our revenge, which is the prime source of my getting to perform senseless violence on people.
[Cave Rimmer] I knew it! Well, there goes *that* flimsy excuse for mayhem!
[Rimmer] Not so fast, other me! There's still the matter of PM missing our birthday...
[Cave Rimmer brightens.] Ooh, that's right!
[Lita looks sternly at Evil Mike.] *Ahem.* There's more, isn't there, Evil Mike?
[Evil Mike] Oh, all right. Rimmers, there were two other packages that came in the mail that day. [He goes to the hall closet, digs around for a minute, and brings out two brightly-wrapped packages.] I was going to save these for Lita's birthday, but since you asked... Say, how *did* you know about this, Lita?
[Lita] Let's just say I know you in much more than a Biblical sense.
[Rimmer unwraps her gift, to reveal a gorgeous white Cashmere sweater with fuzzy collar and cuffs. Cave Rimmer opens hers as well, to find an identical sweater, save that it's jungle print instead of white.]
[Cave Rimmer] Oh well, so much for bloody, violent revenge. At least I got a sweater out of the deal.
The mad Pharaoh Mobius
Wow! I didn't actually appear in this one!
So how do I know what's been going on?
Makes you wonder, doesn't it...
Sarcophagus!
#1342
Space/Time Continuum?
Date: 12/18/2001
From: PharaohMobius
We don't need no Space/Time Continuum!
[Okay, here's a hastily-tacked on scene to fix the continuity...]
[The evil Pharaoh Snowman is trapped in a greenhouse out behind the Get-Revenge-On-PM-Elite Squad (G.R.O.P.E. Squad) headquarters, melting slowly away.]
[Pharaoh Snowman] Damn their ingenius ruse that they used to trap me in this greenhouse! The way they escaped my icy assault and valiantly battled me is surely a tale for the ages... [Parts of him start to drop off as he melts.] But that tale will have to wait for a colder day.
[Mysterious, disembodied singer] o/` But he said goodbye, saying "Don't you cry..." o/`
[Pharaoh Snowman, singing.] o/` I'll be back... again... some- DAY!!!! o/` MUUUUAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA-- [Half of his head drops off.] Oh, crap...
The mad Pharaoh Mobius
I'm glad I bought that roll of continuity duct-tape!
Sarcophagus!
#1343
Have a Holly, Jolly Christmas!
Date: 12/18/2001
From: SantaMobius
<<<Advent Mode>>>
[PM's got the main foyer of his Nile Imperial Palace decked out in tinsel, evergreen sprigs, holly sprigs, and Christmas lights. Standing majestically in the center of the room is a HUGE Christmas tree, which nearly touches the vaulted ceiling of the hall and is fully decked out in very nice ornaments. Under the tree is a large stack of small and beautifully-wrapped gifts. An impressive banquet spread is laid out at the northen end of the hall, and the dance floor is set up on the southern end, with the bar and DJ booth along the eastern end. Sam's DJ booth has been expanded to include the baby grand piano on which he is playing Charlie Brown Christmas music. A fair number of PM's shock troops, Lieutenants, and other employees are milling about and enjoying themselves. The atmosphere is decidedly festive.]
[PM and Mrs. Mobius appear abruptly, PM in a snazzy red suit (quite similar to how Suite's red suit looked), and Mrs. Mo in a gorgeous, shiny green dress with holly-sprig accents. Arm in arm, they walk up to the bar.]
[Rick] Boss! Glad to see you made it. What can I get you?
[PM] Rick, what are you doing bartending? This party is as much for you as everyone else! Let the robots tend bar for a change!
[Rick smiles.] Ah, you know me, boss. I feel more comfortable behind a bar than I do in front of one. Besides, the 'bots make a *lousy* Kamakaze!
[PM] Well, as long as you're having fun, Rick. We'll be back in a few for the drinks; I want to talk to Sam for a minute.
[Mrs Mo waves.] Merry Christmas, Rick.
[Rick] Merry Christmas to *you*, Mrs M.
[PM and Mrs. Mo walk over to where Sam is now finishing a surprisingly good and moving rendition of "I Heard the Bells On Christmas Day".]
[Sam, singing.] o/`Then pealed the bells more loud and deep: o/`
o/` “God is not dead, nor doth He sleep; o/`
o/` The wrong shall fail, the right prevail o/`
o/` With peace on earth, good will... to meeeen.” o/`
[The small crowd gathered around Sam applaud enthusiastically.]
[Mrs. Mo] That was beautiful, Sam! But you should be taking it easy! Have fun!
[Sam] But I *am* having fun, Sweet Mamma! Playing the piano is how I unwind, ya dig? Well that, and tokin' on a number, but I know you don't allow smoking in your house, so I've got to make do, right?
[All laugh.]
[PM] Hey Sam, play an uptempo one now!
[Sam] I've got just the one! [He begins to play "Good King Wenceslaus".]
[Sam] o/` Good King Wenceslaus went out, on the feast of Stephen... o/`
The jolly Santa Mobius
Come on! Join in the party!
Sarcophagus!
#1344
Rimmer: 'Tis time for my plan!
Date: 12/18/2001
From: Ghost_of_Rimmer_Past
Lita: A plan for the PheeeelthyPeeeeegius' Christmas party?
Rimmi: Sorta. Mrs. Hargrove's been planning this for awhile, working out all the kinks and so forth. If we go to the party we'll see this plan in action!
Lita: What is it?
Rimmi: Remember when we had Nobutt here as our prisoner?
Lita: How could I forget? That was cool!
Rimmi: At one poin we drugged him and put a chip in his brain. Mrs. Hargrove set up a remote control so we can activate the chip.
Evil Mike: Now I have a limited knowledge of Buffy but this sounds like a stolen plot. Are you saying Nobutt will get pains in his head if he bites people? I must say I've never seen him bite anyone.
Rimmi: Nope. This one works differently so it's not a stolen plot from Buffy. When activated Nobutt will get zapped each time he speaks to PM and doesn't insult him or hurt him. He'll get zapped when he doesn't look at PM in a hateful way. He'll get zapped when he's thinking of PM in a nice way. He'll get zapped if anyone says anything about PM and Nobutt doesn't answer in with a totally bitchy comment. He'll almost be like Patsy from Ab Fab.
Lita: That's harsh. Let's hurry up! I wanna see this.
Rimmi: Let me tell you the best part. If Nobutt hears PM speak any of our names he'll have to inflict bodily harm on PM. I'm just deciding now what part of PM's body Nobutt will attack when he hears each of our names. You know me. If PM mentions Rimmer, Rimmi or Rim, Nobutt will go for the happysack. When he says, 'Lita,' Nobutt will poke him in the eyes. When he says 'Mickey,' Nobutt will yank out PM's hair. When he says 'Tork,' Nobutt will punch his spleen. when he meantions Gramps, Nobutt will box his ears. When he mentions Evil Mike, Nobutt will knock out PM's teeth. When he talk about cows, Nobutt will kick him in the ass! Funness!
LKF: That's an awfully comoooooooplicated plot.
Rimmi: I know but my birthday was two days ago and this is my present to me.
#1345
Sunday: You forgot me, bitch!
Date: 12/18/2001
From: Sunday12
Rimmi: So I did. <quickly types something into the remote.> Okay, now if PM mentions Sunday, Nobutt will give PM a nipple-twist. We have activation in 5.....4.....3.....2......1! Let the pain begin! Nabut won't be back to normal until the 26th, not if PM knows what's good for him.
<Meanwhile at PM's party>
PM: Goolly, gosh, Jehosaphat, this is a wonderful party. And I'm such a nice pulp villain. Falalalala and all that jazz. I wonder where Rimmer, Lita, Tork, Mickey, Gramps, Evil Mike and the cow are? Nabut, why are you looking at me like that?
<The rest of this scene has been deleted due to excessive violence on Nabut's part and much cussing on PM's.>
#1346
<Lita and Evil Mike show up at the party
Date: 12/18/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
>.........................................................
<Lita, who has decided it's about time she live up to her Christmas handle, is dressed like one of Santa's elves, complete with a poiny hat and stripy tights. It's downright adorable! She knows darn well it's a formal party, but you'd better not mention it to her, she might kick you in the teeth. Because Lita doesn't like to be dressed funny all by herself, she's got Evil Mike in a similar outfit. He doesn't seem to like the tights as much as Lita does, and he's giving everybody dirty looks, daring them to make a comment about his poiny shoes. Hey, be glad he's finally wearing clothes.>
Lita: Hi, PM! I just finished parking Spidey around back. Hey, nice suit! Er… you're not going to try to kill me if I get gum on it, will you?
PM: Well actually--
Lita: *quickly* So! How you been?
PM: Oh, a little werewolfy from time to time, but mostly I'm just great. I'm glad you made it. I've been having a little trouble with the help for the last couple of hours, would you know anything about that?
Lita: What? Of course not! Why would I know anything about your help? *nervous laugh*
PM: If you say so. Say… aren't there usually more of you?
Lita: Er… I guess you could say so… 9000 clones and all--
PM: No… I mean, where are your friends? Rimmer and Cave Rimmer and Mickey and Tork and 42 and Lord Kinsey Figgybottom and grandmapa and so forth.
<Lita suddenly looks like a deer in the headlights. Evil Mike starts to chuckle.>
Lita: Oh no! I must have accidentally left them back at that Texaco in Poughkeepsie! Evil Mike, you must have noticed they weren't in Spidey when we left! Why didn't you say something?
EM: You seemed to be enjoying the peace and quiet so much I just couldn't ruin that for you!
Lita: Really.
EM: Naw, I just thought it would be funny to leave them stuck at that scrungy gas station with that intensely foul bathroom for a few hours.
Lita: Mike…
PM: Poughkeepsie? What the hell were you doing in Poughkeepsie? That isn't anywhere near on the way from Diabolik's lair to here!
Lita: Look… I know… we got lost ok?
EM: I told you we should have taken that left turn at Albuquerque.
Lita: Yeah, shut up. I'm not very good at navigation, ok?
PM: And how could you just leave upwards of 8 people somewhere and not even notice?
<Lita gives him a withering glare>
EM: You probably shouldn't ask her these questions… she'll tear you a new one. She's got a lot on her mind, you see. It's finals week.
PM: Ah.
EM: And she and I haven't been doing much studying, if you know what I mean… *wink* *wink* *nudge* *nudge*
Lita: I'm going to pretend you didn't say that, Mike. As far as the others go… It's ok. I can fix it.
<Lita pulls out her remote control for Spidey, and presses a complicated sequence of buttons.>
Lita: All right… I've got him programmed to go find the others, and bring them back here. So there's that taken care of.
EM: Yeah. Except that you forgot to unlock the doors so that they can get in.
Lita: Oh yeah! Well… that isn't actually that big of a problem! There are other ways to get in! *giggle!*
PM: Oh… right. They'll love you for that. Boy… Spidey sure does shove a lot of people up his rear, doesn't he?
EM: *laughs* Yeah, and it will *never* stop being funny.
Lita: I just wish we could see their faces! *giggle*
<Lita and Evil Mike both laugh like a couple of idiots. PM rolls his eyes.>
PM: Did I ever tell you how suited you are to each other?
Lita: Yeah! Tell Rimmer that! Cripes, she doesn't know when a guy's taken!
EM: Hey, I was just wondering, for no particular reason, how's Nabut?
PM: *suspicious* Why are you asking about Nabut?
Lita: <elbows Evil Mike in the ribs> No reason! We were just wondering because…. Uh…. We were wondering how he was recovering from that whole orangutan doppling incident!
PM: He's actually been acting oddly lately. Oh great, here he comes…
Lita: Well, we'll just leave you two alone! This is a party, right? Evil Mike, lets dance!
EM: I kinda wanted to watch-- hey!
<Lita yanks Evil Mike over to the dance floor, far enough to be out of the way, but just within earshot so they don't miss any of the fun violence which is eminent at this poin.>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
is disavowing all knowledge of Nabut's brain chip.
Too bad Evil Mike can't keep a secret.
I forgot to give Mrs. Mo any lines! Oops! I guess she was doing something else for a minute…
#1347
Mickey: What kind of a gas station
Date: 12/18/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
doesn't have a mini-mart?
42: SHUT UP! You've been going on about this for hours.
Mickey: A pretty crappy one, I'll tell you what!
Tork: Cave Rimmer?
Cave Rimmer: I'm too tired too lift my club anymore. I've hit him so many times, I've lost count.
Tork: Sunday Bitch?
Gramps: Let's get one thing straight, buddy, she's *MY* stalker.
Sunday: I'd kill all of you if I had the chance.
Rimmer: Stop it, everybody! Can't you see what's going on? We're all turning on each other.
Mickey: Rimmer's right. We need to think of a way to get out of here.
Gramps: Spidey!
Mickey: Well, that would be nice, but Spidey's not here, now, is he?
Gramps: Don't backtalk me, whippersnapper. Spidey's right there, behind you.
Mickey: Oh boy...Gramps is losing his eyesight, and after all that stuff that happened where you thought you were a clone. Okay, who wants to pay for a home?
Rimmer: Um, Mickey?
Mickey: What? Can't you see I'm making fun of Gramps? You going to wet your pants now, Depends-man?
42: Mickey!
Mickey: No, I never get to make fun of anybody! Gramps, I'm Mickey...DO YOU REMEMBER ME?
Tork: MICKEY!
Mickey: Look, I'm not falling for any...MMPH! MMPH! (Figures she'd program him to shove me up his butt first)
Cow: Moo. (Yes! The obligatory tacked on line to prove he's there because I left him out!)
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Warrior of G.R.O.P.E. (tee-hee!)
#1348
Hehehe
Date: 12/18/2001
From: TorksXmasSpecial
<Tork's going to say something stupid mode>
Nyeh nyeh!! As of yesterday I am finished with finals. I could just sit around and do nothing.
Yup, I am doing that right now.
4 exams...
3 in two days...
and an entire weekend to study for the softest class
"Pleh" on my luck
Still sitting on my butt
What can I possibly do now?
I know.
< story mode >
Mickey: I can't believe she left us!
Rimmer: Mickey, this is all your fault.
< While everyone is blaming Mickey, Tork is thinking to himself. Despite the fact that he is talking, no one hears him because of the aforementioned Mickey blaming. >
Tork: Why did Lita leave us? Was she disappoined by my suicide mission? ... Come to think about it, I could of also stolen PM's cool, umm, arm thingie for her. *
< For thinking about doing a good deed for someone, but not actually implementing his plan, Tork is no longer a bear. >
Tork: Huh? YES, a poinless subplot is over!
* You know, that thing on PM's arm that I wish I had (but I would have given it to Lita in the story. Really!) There's just too many replies to go look for it's name.
Tork: Hey, is that Spidey?
#1349
Oh, thanks a lot Mickey!
Date: 12/18/2001
From: Tork_110
< Tork turns back into a bear. >
Tork: Huh? This must be Mickey's fault, seeing how he's the Time/Space expert. Jeez, I wish I help could beat up Mickey!
< Tork returns to a guy in a robot costume. >
Tork: Never mind.
And this time it's permanent!
#1350
That's twice, Tork!
Date: 12/19/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
in the last 24 hours, even!
You are *so* asking for a poin, it's not even funny.
Care to try for 3?
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
In the not too distant fish...
#1351
<Inside Spidey...>
Date: 12/19/2001
From: Carmelita42
...........................................................
<One by one, everybody that Lita accidentally left at the Texaco appear in the back seat, some cussing more than others. It's pretty crowded back there, so Lita 42, Rimmer, and grampsclimb over the seat so they can sit in front.>
gramps: Well, that's a relief. Lita never lets me sit up front. She's always like, "No! Only I get to drive, and only Evil Mike gets to sit in the passenger seat! Sit in the back!"
Rimmer: I know! What is the big deal about where people sit?
42: She's touchy about these things. Ok. We need to get to PM's party. I'll drive.
<Lita 42 presses some buttons. Nothing happens. She steps on the gas, turns the wheel, talks nicely to Spidey, and hits the dashboard with her hand, but nothing happens. Spidey just sits there.>
Tork: What's wrong? Do you need a key or something?
<Rimmer is scowling at the speedometer.>
Rimmer: I know what it is. Come on, guys.
<Rimmer climbs back over the seat so that she's in the back with the others. gramps and 42 follow suit. Spidey starts himself up, and starts toward the party.>
gramps: The hell?
Rimmer: Apparently Lita is such a possessive cow--
Cow: Hey! That was a derogatory statemooent to cows!
Rimmer: <ignoring Lord Kinsey Figgybottom the cow> --that she programmed Spidey so that he wouldn't work if the wrong people were sitting in her and Evil Mike's seats. Even if they aren't here.
gramps: Why would she do that?
42: Because she's a stone cold bitch.
Tork: No! It must be some kind of a security device! That's clever!
42: I'm her clone. Trust me, I know how she thinks. She's doing it to spite us, and it's just a coincidence that it's good for security too. I bet she's laughing at us right now.
Tork: Oh.
Cave Rimmer: I kind of wish there weren't so many people back here. There isn't much room…
42: Mickey!!! Get your hand off my--
Mickey: Sorry! I didn't mean to! It was an accident!
42: Yeah. That's great. I appreciate the apology. And at what poin are you planning to move your hand?
Mickey: Oh! Right! Right now.
Tork: Mickey! Don't put your hand there.
Mickey: Ack! Sorry! I'll just put my hand over--
<Cave Rimmer, not being the affectionate touchy feely type, chooses to smack Mickey with her club rather than negotiate. Being in such a closed in space, she accidentally hits several other people in the process.>
Rimmer: Ugh… this is going to be a long ride, isn't it?
Lita 42
#1352
<zaps Rimmer and her party to the party>
Date: 12/19/2001
From: Malfoy
Rimmer wants me to tell you that she didn't write the scene with her and Evil Mike and that it was forced upon her (although she didn't complain much) so it's not Rimmer's fault. Lita, you shouldn't be mad at her. Be mad at the git who wrote that.
#1353
Oh, I *am* Malfoy!
Date: 12/19/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
..........................................................
Why do you think he's getting punched so often lately? (Filthy Muggle.)
But I need to keep up the continuity of the rp. Or something.
Lita
isn't about to mention
that she is also a muggle
#1354
That was an odd choice in grammar...
Date: 12/19/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
..........................................................
When I said, "Oh, I *am* Malfoy!" of course what I meant was, "Oh, I *am,* Malfoy!" (Note the extra comma) Meaning that I was talking to Malfoy. I wasn't intending to say that I am Malfoy, that would be silly! Actually, most of that reply didn't make much sense. Neither does this paragraph. Hm.
Ok. That was boring. rp time?
<Rimmer and everybody finally show up at the party, having been zapped there by Malfoy. They gather around Lita and Evil Mike, looking a bit sour. A lot of them don't get many lines. Sorry. Maybe Cave Rimmer hit them too hard or something.>
Lita: Hi guys! You got here quick! Spidey must have really been going fast!
Rimmer: Actually, Malfoy came by and apparated us here.
Lita: Oh! Good! Is Spidey waiting out back then?
Rimmer: Funny! I don't know where he is! He didn't come with us when we dissaparated!
Lita: *worried* He didn't? Oh! Well… I'm sure he's maybe probably on his way here… I had him programmed to come here… Sorry about leaving you in Poughkeepsie by the way.
Rimmer: Oh, that's fine! I like being stuck at disgusting gas stations for hours and getting shoved into the wrong end of Giant Spiders! Quit laughing, Evil Mike!
EM: Ha! I can't help it! Ha ha! It's so funny!! Tee hee! That's a great spider!!
Lita: Hey, Tork! You're not a bear anymore!
Tork: Actually, I never was. Turned out I just really needed a shave.
Lita: Oh.
Tork: Just kidding. I thought about doing a good deed and it broke the spell.
Lita: Oh! Well good on you!
Rimmer: So. How are PumpkinPatchius and Nobutt getting along?
Lita: Check it out.
<Lita poins to where PM and Nabut are having a big fistfight. Nobody at the party seems to be paying attention to them.>
gramps: Now, that's no way to behave at a nice party. Didn't their parents teach them any gol durned manners? Back in my day when I was a youngun, if I'd behaved like that at a party, I'd have gotten a whoopin, good and proper.
Lita: Looks to me like they're both getting whooped. *quietly* Rimmi, do you think he suspects we're responsible?
Rimmer: Nah. I'm sure he has henchmen flipping out all the time. Wanting to overthrow the leader to take over the evil organization, or suddenly growing a conscience, or stuff like that. One of the hazards of being a Pulp Villain. I'm surprised we had to cause this. I would have thought it would have happened on its own a long time ago.
Lita: Way to steal a plot line from Buffy, by the way.
Rimmer: I told you, it's way different! So it's not stealing!
Lita: I was thinking, that's a great show! There's all kinds of stuff we could steal!
Rimmer: It's not stealing!
Lita: Like this, for example:
<Some girl appears out of nowhere. She looks at Rimmer with hatred and malice.>
girl: Hi! My name is Sunshine, and I'm the annoying bratty little sister you never knew you had.
Rimmer: No.
Lita: Sure! Aw, come on, Rimmi! Don't you want a little sister? She can be our new annoying as hell sidekick! And she can growl at everybody all the time! And she can get all overemotional and paranoid! And she can do really stupid things like invite vampires into your house and get in trouble every five minutes so that we have to drop whatever we're doing and go rescue her! And then when we do rescue her, she can be all ungrateful and snotty! Doesn't that sound like fun?
Rimmer: No.
Lita: *laughs* Oh, and hands off, Tork and Mickey. I know she's only 14, like you like, but Rimmer might not want you hitting on her little sis!
Mickey: Hey! That's out of line!
Tork: Look, I'm still sensitive about that. So could you just lay off?
Rimmer: She's not my little sis.
Sunshine: I'm so sick of your attitude, Rimmer. You're so spoiled. Mom always gave you everything.
Rimmer: <takes sunshine firmly by the shoulders> I'm not your big sister. Go bug somebody else.
Lita: Oh, fine. Have it your way. Sunshine, I guess Rimmer is too selfish to be your sister.
Sunshine: <To Lita.> So, are you my sister?
Lita: Noooo! I've already got 9000 clones! I don't need any younger siblings too! Why don't you go look over there? Maybe you'll find a big sister over there.
Sunshine: Fine.
<Sunshine spits on Lita's shoes and kicks Rimmer in the shin as she leaves. She wanders into the crowd, looks around for a bit, and then latches on to Mrs. Mobius.>
Rimmer: Lita, there was no need to do that to PM's wife. She's nice!
Lita: Oh, don't worry about it. If Mrs. Mo just lets natural selection take its course, she won't have a little sister to worry about for much longer. Check it out, Sunshine is already picking a fight with a couple of burly demoney looking biker guys.
Rimmer: Oh. So she is. Boy is Sunshine stupid.
Lita: Don't forget annoying.
Rimmer: And piercing.
Lita: And demanding.
Rimmer: And bratty.
Lita: And self absorbed.
Rimmer: And whiney.
<And the list goes on.>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
always hated certain new little sisters who were
recently added to certain vampire based shows
without warning.
#1355
You can't be Malfoy!!
Date: 12/19/2001
From: TorksXmasSpecial
I am Malfoy!!!
(Who was Malfoy again? Was he the big guy? I've only seen the movie.)
#1356
No, mooron,
Date: 12/19/2001
From: Lord_KFB_Cow
I amoo not Writer's Block.
Mooalfoy was Yvonne DeCarlo! (Don't you pay attention to anything besides this post?)
MOO!
#1357
Crap! I had a brilliantly funny scene
Date: 12/19/2001
From: Ghost_of_Rimmer_Past
but I lost it.
The gist is that Rimmi decides to bring in a 'life partner' to boost ratings. Rimmi, Lita, Tork and Mickey fight over who gets to be gay. Lita decides the only fair way to decide is to play rock-paper-scissors. The loser has to be gay. Tork and Mickey play each other and Mickey loses. Lita and Rimmi play each other and Rimmi loses. Micky and Rimmi play and Rimmi loses. Rimmi tries to get out of it by suggesting she have an affair with Nobutt but Lita won't let her out of the deal. Now we have Cara, Rimmi's lesbian lover. Rimmi doesn't agree and tells Cara she can play her lesbian lover but warned her not to try anything gay.
#1358
Lita called me a muggle?
Date: 12/19/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
????????????????????????
I'd be so offended if I knew what that was.
You're just jealous Rimmer liked my present more than yours.
Nyah, nyah.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Warrior of G.R.O.P.E.
Fish.
#1359
You are *such* a muggle, Mickey.
Date: 12/19/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
..........................................................
You're a huge muggle. I have met a lot of muggles in my life, and you are among the most muggley, partially because you don't even know what a muggle is. If a bunch of muggles in the world decided to have a convention, you would be their poster boy. You could stand right next to the biggest muggle in the world, and he'd be like, "Hey! Mickey's a bigger muggle than I am!"
That's how much of a muggle you are, Mickey.
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
#1360
Purple Monkey Dishwasher NT
Date: 12/19/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
///\\\///\\\///\\\
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Warrior of G.R.O.P.E.
Like swearing in a foriegn language...tee hee.
Oh, and FISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#1361
sorry about wasting a reply...
Date: 12/19/2001
From: Tork_110
but what happened to Buffalo? Did we forget about him?
#1362
He's still in the hideout
Date: 12/20/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
Hostages don't get to party.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Warrior of G.R.O.P.E
Fish, yay.
#1363
We might be able to maybe let him party.
Date: 12/20/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
...........................................................
But we're good guys, and basically nice people. Good guys and basically nice people don't get to take hostages very often, you know? I want my very first hostage situation to go well. I'd hate for Buffalo to get freed even before we got around to making our ransom demands.
So, yeah. I can see releasing Buffalo long enough for him to come to the party. But if and only if Pharfoofooyaaarg *promises* not to try to rescue him until after the party is over, and we have him secured back at the hideout. And he has to mean it too. Basically, PM has to let us re-kidnap Buffalo after the party is over. No cheating. Or else no special fun Christmas party for Buffalo. :o(
How does that sound to the rest of youse?
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
#1364
[PM] Ah, what the hell.
Date: 12/20/2001
From: PharaohMobius
<<<Magnanimous Mode>>>
[PM] If you want to go to all the trouble of bringing him with you, and then the even bigger hassle of re-kidnapping him, I say go for it. This Christmas party is a little low on the goofy, idiot sidekick quotient.
[Nabut] Mmmmph!!! [Camera turns to show that Nabut has been tied up, gagged, and put into a forcefield cage.]
[PM] What?!? Like you wouldn't do the same to your henchman if he were ruining your Christmas party!
TmPM
Sarcohpagus!
#1365
Lita (Looks at Nabut):
Date: 12/20/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
Hmmm...that gives me an idea
(Lita looks at Mickey)
Mickey: I haven't done anything!
Lita: YET, you big muggle.
Rimmer: Hey, no need for name calling. If you're so concerned Mickey's going to ruin the party, why don't you send him to get Buffalo.
Lita: I don't know. I mean, I don't get PM's logic, Mickey more than fills the goofy idiotic sidekick requirement.
Mickey: I agree. I'm the one and only.
Rimmer: You're the one who said he could come to the party.
Liat: Oh alright. I'll call Spidey, and program him. Just don't make a mess...(gets ready to use her whistle)
Mickey: Actually (takes a high tech remote control gizmo out of his jacket), you can put your whistle away. (presses buttons).
(seconds later, a a car is heard pulling up in front)
Lita: You hooked the Big Misunderstood Sex Mach...your damn car up to a remote?
Mickey: Why not? It beats hearing that whistle.
Lita: Oh yeah, well I need Spidey anyway.
Mickey: For what?
Lita: For...so he's here, okay?
PM: I don't see what's so bad about this little whistle.
(All the members of G.R.O.P.E. cover their ears, except Lita, because that's how it works)
TWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTT!
(Spidey, enters the room, hey, it's a pretty big room, ready to party. He's wearing a party hat and a bow tie.)
Lita: Ohhhhhh.......(runs over and hugs Spidey) Your car can't do this.
Mickey: My car doesn't scare the hell out of me, either. (leaves).
Lita: Good. Mickey's gone. Let's geet drunk.
(Mickey comes back in)
Mickey: Oh, and Lita?
Lita: Yes?
Mickey: I'll bill you for that scratch Spidey left on my car.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Warrior of G.R.O.P.E.
(leaves again)
#1366
Oops. Everybody,
Date: 12/20/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
<<<<<cover up mode>>>>>>>>
meet Liat, Lita's stand in. Lita got sick, so Liat filled in for that one line. Unfortunatly, this means that Lita's consecutive line streak is over.
But Liat's happy, she finally gets paid for once.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Warrior of G.R.O.P.E.
Yeah, but remember...you did it twice.
#1367
[OOC] another comic project update...
Date: 12/20/2001
From: PharaohMobius
<<<OOC Mode>>>
Just an FYI: I felt that TFTD needed its own website, so I made it one. Just because, okay?
So, kids, recalibrate your secret dimensional decoder rings to the following URL coordinates:
http://pharaohmobius.tripod.com/TFTD/index.html
And remember, always drink your rich, chocolaty Pharaoh-valtine!
TmPM
Sarcophagus!
#1368
Wow! I have a bio!
Date: 12/20/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
**********************************************************
I'm moving on up in the world! Woo-hoo! I'm one step closer to my ultimate goal of owning the entire internet! (Or, as it will soon be called, LitaLand.)
Cool new site, PM!
****
<Mickey leaves.>
Lita: What a jerk!
Rimmer: Don't like him saying you have to pay for his car, eh?
Lita: He totally insulted my car! What did Spidey ever do to him?
Tork: Hm… let me think about that. Can't be the time Spidey ate him with the wrong end, can it?
Lita: You know what? When Mickey gets back, I'm gonna kick him.
EM: Can I punch him?
Lita: Have a blast.
EM: Now this is what I call a party!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
It's short. I know. You'll just have to live with that.
#1369
PARTY!!!!!!!!!! WOO!!!!
Date: 12/21/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
When in Halifax...........
(Mrs. Mo walks over to Lita, EM, and Rimmer)
Mrs. Mo: Your friend is great! Where'd you find him?
Lita: What friend?
(Mrs. Mo poins to a mob of party goers, including Steve Reeves, Joe Don Baker, the nurse, Steffi, Liat, and more, who are all surrounding the unexpected life of the party.)
Rimmer: Him?
Evil Mike: You've got to be kidding me.
Lita: Hey, great! I didn't even know we brought him.
Cow: So I says to the guy, this is great, I says to himoo, "What kind of a mooron has a soup addiction?"
(everyone laughs)
Lita: Wow, sounds like he had a little too much to drink.
Rimmer: And you're the picture of sobriety?
Lita: I'm not saying it's a bad thing.
Rimmer: How'd he get that tiny lampshade on his head?
PM: Hey, that Sunday person is scaring all the guests!
Rimmer: Oh. don't mind her. That's just her job.
Sunday: Ho, ho, ho...I'll kill you all in your sleep.
(Mickey comes back in with Buffalo, Lita kicks him, Evil Mike punches him)
Mickey: Hey! What was that for?
Lita: Do we even need a reason anymore?
Mickey: It would be nice.
Lita: Well, too bad. Let's see this "scratch" you're talking about.
(Mickey and Lita go outside)
Mickey: Right there. (poins)
Lita: That tiny thing? Honestly...
Mickey: Hey, that was clearly caused by a giant spider leg.
Lita: I'm not paying.
Mickey: Where's your holiday spirit?
Lita: Just paint over it!
Mickey: Yeah, I guess I could do that.
Lita: Well, I don't know what to tell yo..huh? You're giving up just like that?
Mickey: Sure. I realized that I've been an ass lately, and...
Lita: Lately?
Mickey: Ahem...anyway, just consider this my apology.
Lita: Thanks, I guess...seeing as how that isn't really an apology, and I wasn't going to pay for it anyway.
Mickey: Hey, great (obviously ignoring Lita's complaint). Now, let's go get drunk.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Warrior of G.R.O.P.E.
Wow, that Lord KFB Cow sure is one party animal!
#1370
Oh yeah, PM!
Date: 12/21/2001
From: TorksXmasSpecial
-----------------------------------------------
< Tork is talking to PM but something is wrong. >
Tork: Yeah, I killed your family, your wife, Buffalo, Sam, Nabut, Nick, Rick...
PM: (whispers to Mrs. Mobius) I think he's drunk. (sarcastically) What about Nipsy Russell?
Tork: Umm, sure! And also Brett Sommers and Charles Nelson Reilly and Richard Dawson and ...
PM: Sam, get him out of here.
Tork: You can't do that!
< Tork raises his drink in the air. >
Tork: I AM HE-MAN. Take that, Skeletor!
< Tork tries to punch PM, misses by a mile, falls on a table, and spills drinks on several guest. >
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mickey: What happened to Tork?
grandmapa: He got kicked out. Couldn't handle his liquor. (to self) Young people these days...
< Tork walks up to Mickey and gramps, giggling. >
Mickey: What's so funny?
Tork: I totally trashed this place in New Hampshire. Hehe.
Mickey: !!! Well, there's plenty of places in New Hampshire. Right? RIGHT?
Tork_110
serves the Drunk One
The Thomas Edison of Typos
has seen quite a few episodes of Match Game on GSN
got really nostalgic (I actually once had an action figure called Stinkor)
#1371
I told you that cow's cool.
Date: 12/21/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
...........................................................
<Nick walks up to Lita and Evil Mike.>
Lita: Hi!
Nick: Barbie! Ken! I haven't seen you guys for so long! Where have you been?
EM: Ken? What the f--
Lita: <quickly covering Evil Mike's mouth> Castleton! Imagine seeing you here!
Castleton: Yeah! I've just been hanging around with the boss, waiting and waiting and waiting for you to get back! I was sooo lonely!
EM: Why?
Nick: Because I'm your faithful butler!
EM: You are?
Lita: Yes! He is!
EM: Cool! I'm gonna make him poke himself in the eyes!
Lita: No you're not. Say, Castleton. I've just now noticed that Evil Mi-- er…. That Ken and I haven't had anything to drink yet! Isn't that amazing?
Castleton: Hey, Barbie! Want me to get you guys some drinks?
Lita: Yeah! You go do that!
Castleton: The usual?
Lita: Uh.... Sure. I guess.
Castleton: Right! Two Shirley Temples coming right up!
Lita: Hey… wait…
<Castleton runs off to get the drinks before Lita and Evil Mike can stop him. Once he's out of earshot...>
Lita: Phaforafat! You haven't gotten rid of his amnesia yet? What the heck? That's cruel!
PM: Well, I've been busy lately! I haven't gotten around to it! What do you want from me? I can't do everything!
Lita: I guess at least he seems happy this way.
EM: Wow. I am so impressed. Nick's an even bigger weenie than Mickey! I bet he'd be really fun to punch!
Lita: No, Evil Mike. Don't.
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
was never much into He-Man,
but she used to watch She-Ra.
#1372
Mickey: Well as long as you killed
Date: 12/21/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
do the Halifax dance!!!!!
Charles Nelson Reilly, I'm fine with whatever you did to my place.
Tork: But...but...
Mickey: Now shutup, I'm going to get drunk. We've been at this rp for a long time, and I've stayed sober pretty much through the whole thing (outside of the soup of course). That's amazing self control for me...It's Christmas, I deserve it, damn it.
Tork: But...but...
Mickey: Are you trying to stand in the way of a dream?
Tork: But...but...
Mickey: You know that Cara girl who just showed up? I think she wants you.
Tork: Alright! (leaves the bar)
Mickey (laughs to himself): Now, if you'll excuse me.....o/' I'll take back my pinata, it's wasted on you, just spinning that pool cue all over the room,....
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Warrior of G.R,O.P.E.
That Warrior of G.R.O.P.E. thing never caught on, did it?
#1373
She-Ra was He-Man for girls.
Date: 12/21/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
.........................................................
I wouldn't have expected you to be into She-Ra, Tork. No more than I would have expected you to be into My Little Ponies, Care Bears, or Rainbow Brite, three other shows I adored back in the day. In a similar fashion, I had little or no interest in GI Joe, or Transformers. Here's a useless fun-fact about me, I named my dog after a character from the My Little Ponies movie. (It's a boring name actually, it's Megan.)
I'll add more to the rp when I think of something to add. In the meantime, check out Spidey! He's dancing! What a party animal! It's not every day you get to see a giant spider dance, and he's just tearing up that dance floor!
PM: Lita, please make your car wait outside. He's tearing up my dance floor. Those things don't grow on trees you know.
Lita: *Sigh* Be that way, Boring NoFunnington. I'll go tell Spidey you don't want him to have fun just because you have some kind of a problem with giant spiders being happy.
<Lita goes and talks to Spidey. He hangs his head and slowly goes to wait outside. People who weren't too scared to get close enough to see (and there weren't many of those) could tell that there were tears in his many, many eyes.>
Lita: There! You jerks happy now? Castleton, where's my drink?!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
forgot that Castleton was bringing her a non alcoholic beverage.
Curses, gramps! You're stealing my hard-earned reputation as the bboard drunk!
#1374
My drinking secret, Tork...
Date: 12/21/2001
From: AnOldRedneckReindeer
Oh, and by the way, here's your Tootsie-Roll Pop! Lita tried to get me to give it to her! Oh, and here's a Tootsie-Roll Pop for you too, Lita, just because I felt sorry for you!
*ahem* My drinking secret, Tork, is that I... ummm... fine, I have no secret! I just drink and drink and drink until I eventually pass out! That's what the judges of drinking contests watch for, so they can steal all of your Mr. T action figures and gold chains! *sniff* I should know... Anyone have a tissue? *tear*
(Heartwrenching, ain't it? This is why I am now the President of the Mr. T Fan Club! Whoever joins first gets to be Vice-President! Please join, especially all those I gave Tootsie-Roll Pops, because I was nice and I Wuv You and stuff!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
<back at the party...>
gramps: Okay, Mickey and Tork! On your mark...
Lita: WAIT!!!! I wanna be in the drinking contest!
Mickey: No! She'll beat the living crap out of us!
Lita: Oh, I'll play! <pulls out her implied switchblade knife and turns toward the parking lot exit> I'll be right back after I scrape up a sleazy misunderstood convertible...
Mickey: Yes! She can be in it! Tork, you agree, right?!?! Tork?
Tork: <seen trying to hand gramps a twenty dollar bill> Psst, hey, here's a twenty if you let me win!
gramps: What can I get for a twenty these days?
Tork: Well, with 55-55-555, you can get a twenty minute phone call for twenty dollars...
Mickey: Get your tail over here, Tork! Lita, Tork's trying to cheat!
Lita: I don't care about his habits, only yours. And don't speak to me. Now let's get to the road of crazy drunkeness already, gramps!
gramps: I could've used a twenty minute call... oh yes! On your mark, get set, GO!!!
<in a crazy scene of comical genius I don't care to write, Mickey and Tork pass out after their first sips of *real* hard liquor, while Lita keeps on drinking till her 117th shot>
Lita: Thisssssssh issh funner than funniessssssht! Did I win, gramsssssssshs?!
gramps: <drinking quite a bit over the duration of the contest, seeing as he got jealous of all the fun the young'uns were having> Ssssshure did, Litur! *hic*
Lita: Whoooooooopee!!! Whatssssh do I winsssssh?!
gramps: Ummm... here'ssssh a pretty greenissssssh ribbon for youssssh! <hands Lita the green ribbon, which says, "Participant">
Lita: Wow! Thanksssssh! <drunkenly tapes it to her dress with her implied tape> Hey Mikey, looksssssh what I won!
magrandpa?
grandmapa!, sch.
The Elderly Gender-Bender!
Vice-Prez of the I Hate Riddler Club!
President of the I Hate Hamburglar Club!
President of the Mr. T Fan Club!
Second-Place Winner of Wacky Races 2001!
4:45 P.M. CST!
#1376
[PM] I pity the fool...!
Date: 12/21/2001
From: PharaohMobius
<<<Absoludicrous Mode>>>
[PM] ...Who don't like T!!!
[Gramps] Okie dhokiesh, Plehfrahoohoo, you kin be Vish- Vishe Preshidint. [He passes out for 30 seconds precisely, then bounces right back up and starts drinking again.]
[PM] Whoo hoo!!! I'm the baddest of the bad, suckas!
[Mrs. Mo] Stop it, Sutenhotep, you're embarassing me.
The bad muthah Pharaoh Mobius
Vice President of the Mr. T Fan Club
Sarcophagus!
#1377
I'm not trying to steal your title, Lita
Date: 12/21/2001
From: AnOldRedneckReindeer
I'm gonna sing the DOOM song!
You know I wouldn't be *that* callous! You are the one, the only, and the original B'Board drunk! I'm just your drinking *buddy*, and very proud of it, too! But, being the drunk would be better...
Just joshing! <hearty sitcom-ical laughter!>
magrandpa?
grandmapa!, sch.
The Elderly Gender-Bender!
Vice-Prez of the I Hate Riddler Club!
President of the I Hate Hamburglar Club!
President of the Mr. T Fan Club!
Second-Place Winner of Wacky Races 2001!
Lita's *Eternal* Drinking Buddy!
5:30 P.M. CST!
#1378
Yay! A new member!
Date: 12/21/2001
From: AnOldRedneckReindeer
Welcome Mr. Vice President of the Mr. T Fan Club! Your official duties are as follows:
1. To pity the foo who don't like Mr. T!
2. To pity the foo who don't use 1-800-COLLECT!
3. To pity the foo who don't have a 1983 GMC Custom Van!
and 4. To pity the foo who don't support youth centers and/or the consumption of dairy products, preferrably milk!
Get to work, PM, because we have to uphold the honor of Mr. T, right Mr. T?
Mr. T: Foos, get to work, or I'll toss you helluva far, suckas!!!
Who wants to be secretary?
gramps!
5:38 P.M. CST!
#1379
I love all those shows, Lita!
Date: 12/21/2001
From: Let_It_Schmoe
Love. Not loved. Present tense. They're great!!
In fact, one of the cable channels, I think Showtime, has been showing The Care Bears Movie this month!! It's teriffic!! I love the Care Bear Cousins!!
fw!!
no socks
#1380
<Castleton hands Lita a drink>
Date: 12/21/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
..........................................................
Castleton: Here's that Shirley Temple you wanted, Barbie!
Lita: Heeeyyy… thannnnksssshhh… Youuurre a rreal ssssshhhhhwelll guy, Nick.
Castleton: Nick?
Lita: Yyyeah… <Lita puts an arm around Castleton's shoulders.> Yyyyouknow if I wwweren't d-dating Eeeeevil Mmmii*hic*ke… I'd… prrobbabably… sssschhtill nnnot ggo out wwith you.
Castleton: Evil Mike?!
Lita: Sssssorrry…. IIII didnnn mmmeanta brrreak yyer hhheart. Yyyour're jus nnnot my t- *hic* type. Budonn worry… I'mmmm ssssshhureya'll ffffind ssssssssshhhommebodddy whooo'lll mmmake yyyou hahahapppy.
Castleton: Evil Mike?
Lita: Wwwhatabboutim? Whereisssee? Uptah nogoood I b-b-bet…
Castleton: Barbie, you're married to Ken. Are you having an affair with Evil Mike?
Lita: WWWHHHAAATT??? Evil Mmmike is hhaving an aaaaffffair?!? Whereisee?? I'''lllll killllim!!!
<Lita turns to go find Evil Mike, but as she's walking away, she falls over the passed-out bodies of Mickey and Tork.>
Lita: ooowwww…
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Bboard Drunk
has no intention of joining the Mr. T Fan Club
because she doesn't fully appreciate the awesomeness of Mr. T.
:o(
The Care Bear Cousins were awesome. I still have a stuffed purple raccoon with a heart-shaped lightbulb on it's tummy. I have no idea what the hell his name is supposed to be. Bedtime Bear was the best.
#1381
MY LITTLE PONY!
Date: 12/21/2001
From: TorksXmasSpecial
Confessions of a Tork
Oh dear. Oh dear, Oh dear. Ohdearohdearohdear!
Here I am, trying to be the biiiiiiiig man, pretending that I only watched She-Ra because it followed He-Man, but.....
I used to watch that! Didn't they bundle it with the Glow Worms and another show for girls? Wasn't Megan the little sister? Didn't they have up to 9 or ten episodes dedicated to a series where the heroes defeated a spider by tickling it?
Oh, Care Bears too? I had a record about them.
What was wrong with me? I had all those He-Man and Justice League of America. Thank God I didn't watch Rainbow Brite. Phew.
Oh, and I used to watch Mr. T. on USA network. Actually, and I swear this is true, but my mom and my sister met him at a local Giants. Don't as me when but I missed my chance to meat him! (My sister said that he was short.)
While I'm unconscious, I got to figure out why I didn't watch Transformers or G. I. Joe.
#1382
take 2
Date: 12/21/2001
From: Tork_110
Y.A.A.R.
What was wrong with me? I had all those He-Man and Justice League of America ACTION FIGURES.
Actually, and I swear this is true, but my mom and my sister met him at a local Giants. Don't asK me when but I missed my chance to meEt him!
#1383
EXCUSE ME???
Date: 12/21/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
Oh no, Cow's gonna be in it!
I pass out on my first drink? Come up to NH and tell that to my face, old man!
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
It's like that time I could've met Mr. T at the mall. I kept saying, "I'll go a little later, I'll go a little later" and when I got there, he was gone.
#1384
Hey look!!!!!!
Date: 12/21/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
not here, silly...down there!
Cow and Mrs. Mo are playing spin the bottle! Uh oh, PM!
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Fish 13
#1385
Evil Mike: You're dead now, Mickey!
Date: 12/22/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
Man, it's so loud in here.
Mickey (wakes up, because he was taking a nap, not because he wussed out. Senior citizens, today): Whahuh?
Evil Mike: You and Lita laying down together?
Mickey: The hell? Hey, she is right next to me. I'll be damned. Wow, how much did I have to drink?
Evil Mike: And I saw her drinking, too! Taking advantage of a hapless dru...(Lita gets up)...Oh, hey Lita!
Lita: Where isssssh sssshhhhhhheeeee? I'm going to killl the sssssssssssssssshhhluttttt. Isssssh it Rimmmmmmmer?
Evil Mike: What? You know, I never thought I'd say this, but you're no fun when you're drunk.
Lita: I'm going to *hic* kill yew tooooooooooooooooooooo, you basssssssssssssssssssssssstard.
Evil Mike: Okay...a little too much holiday cheer for you.
Why don't you go sit in Spidey for a few minutes?
Lita: Oh good...I like Sssssssssssssshhhpidey. (Lita starts to leave)
Sunshine (to Lita): What the hell's your problem?
Lita: Oh, it washhhh you, wasssssssssssssssn't it? Wait...isssssssssssssssn't he a litttle too oleeeeeed fir yew?
(Sunshine kicks Lita)
Lita: Hey, sssssshhhhtopppp it, yew bissh.
(Sunshine kicks Lita again)
Lita: Oh, that'ssssshhhh it!
(takes out her whistle and calls Spidey...yes she's still coherent enough to do that)
PM: Lita, you blow that whistle again, and I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
(Just as soon as PM says that, Spidey shows up and stuffs Sunshine up his butt...Don't think she's coming back like the rest of us do, though)
Lita: Hope ssshheeee doesssn't give Sssssssssshhhhpidey indigesssssshhhhtion.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Hey, I'm getting everybody involved!
#1386
Hmmmm..... My toy confessions......
Date: 12/22/2001
From: Ghost_of_Rimmer_Past
................................................
...............................................
................................................
I had the mega collection of Barbie dolls and My Little Ponies. I'm an only child so I was spoiled terribly. Megan was the little girl who knew about the Ponies but they introduced a little sister later who also had an M name like Maggie or something.
I had both He-Man and She-Ra toys. My babysitters younger brother hated me because my He-man collection rivaled his. I had the He-Man collection where you put caps in their back so when you pulled his arm around it would snap back, punch the bad guy, and cap would explode. I didn't have Stinkor but I had Mossman and he stunk pretty bad. He was supposed to be foresty/pine scented or something but he was quite raunchy! (I just found She-Ra's nemisis Catra packed away in some stuff and I took it as a lucky sign. She sits on top of my bookshelf now with my new Malfoy doll that I got from Cavey. He's learning to live with my old Dark Wing Duck toys.)
I used to play with Transformers too. I saved up my money to but the special bug Transformer collection. Somewhere I The Scarab packed away.
And of course I have a carebear, a popple, and some Rainbow Brite toys. I hated the little Rainbow Brite toys because I tried to assimilate them into my Barbie society but their heads were too big. I did, however, have luck with the Pretty Pretty Princess collection and they ended up playing younger sisters.I could do that with Gem and her pals too until my friend broke off Gem's hand.
I haven't met Mr. T but I have met Hilary Rodham Clinton which is almost the same!
#1387
Woah! I *killed* Sunshine???
Date: 12/22/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
...........................................................
Boy, you know, there's getting mad and saying "I'm gonna kill that guy!" And then there's actually killing that guy. I've never killed before. I wonder how my fragile psyche is gonna take this?
********
Rimmer: Wow! You just killed her, didn't you?
EM: Hey, Lita, killing 14-year-old girls? Good work! I never knew you had it in you!
<Lita suddenly realizes what she did>
Lita: What hhhhhave I donnne? IIII've t-taken a lllife!!! III'm aaassssss bad assss grammmaapppaamamapa!!!
<Lita starts crying on Evil Mike. Evil Mike, apparently glad she's not yelling at him, pats her on the shoulder.>
EM: There, there. Nobody liked Sunshine anyway. If it makes you feel any better, I was planning to kill her in a couple of minutes if nobody else did.
Mickey: Hey, Lita, aren't you still mad at Evil Mike because of his affa--
<Evil Mike punches Mickey with his free hand. Mrs. Mobius approaches the group.>
Mrs. Mo: Hi, everybody! Has anybody seen Sunshine?
<Lita cries loudly into Evil Mike's chest.>
Rimmer: Uhm… I don't think anybody's seen Sunshine lately…
Mrs. Mo: Sure you guys have! So where is she? Where is that little sister of mine? My little bright ray of Sunshine… I'd sure hate it if she got into any trouble while I wasn't looking…
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
isn't quite sure whether Mrs. Mo was being sarcastic
#1388
Sunday12 walks in...
Date: 12/22/2001
From: TorksXmasSpecial
Sunday12: I just made a snowman.
Mickey: (who has just awoken) Isn't that nice? Now, who won the contest? Umm, where's Tork?
Sunday12: (giggle)
grandmapa: Look outside! PM got one of those dancing snowmen.
Mickey: Uh oh. I think that's Tork.
< Mickey leaves to call Ortega. grandmapa realizes what happened. >
grandmapa: (to Sunday12) Hey! You're supposed to be *my* stalker! MINE!
Tork_110
serves the Dark One
The Thomas Edison of Typos
Brrrr!
#1389
What is this "snow" you speak of?
Date: 12/22/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
..........................................................
It doesn't snow much where I live. Honestly, I haven't seen actual snow in person in years, unless you count when I look pictures of snow, or at the tops of the mountains, which are really far away. I don't count that. It rains sometimes though.
***
Mrs. Mo: Well, isn't anybody going to answer me?
Mickey: Sorry, what were you saying? We got distracted by that really cool snowman out there that may or may not be Tork.
Mrs. Mo: Where's Sunshine? I can't find her.
EM: Lita killed her.
Lita: <whispering a little too loudly> Mike! Donteller that!! Shhhhhh!!!
EM: Oh. Sorry. You didn't want her to find out that you were the one who killed her darling little sister, did you?
Mrs. Mo: Lita? You killed Sunshine?
Lita: Eeeeeek!
<Lita, never one to wait around for long when she thinks she's about to get beaten up, grabs Evil Mike and runs and hides.>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President and Vice Prez of a bunch of stuff
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
Few things are more sobering
than terror for one's life
#1390
Sunshine walks in...
Date: 12/22/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
This town is so great
Sunshine: You won't *believe* the day I just had!
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
No, I don't know how she came back. I just came home from work, okay?
#1391
Tell you what, Lita....
Date: 12/22/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
snow snow snow snow snow snow
Next time we have one one of those "storms of the century" that misses everywhere it's supposed to hit, but conveniently leaves my town with 30 inches, I'll send you some, no, all of it. I'm just so generous.
Oh, and I figured this whole Sunshine thing. No, not how she got out, but I figured it was the same way as Alan Hale.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
I'd send you what we have now, but I bet you're waiting for the real stuff.
#1392
Ugh! We have snow here.
Date: 12/22/2001
From: Sunday12
Too much.
(For those of you who don't have a program for this rp: Sunday is being played by Rimmer)
#1393
Usually you just open the door.
Date: 12/22/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
............................................................
To get out of Spidey, I mean. But if he was set to "Digest" instead of… uhh… oh, I don't know, "Don't Digest" then maybe Sunshine really did give him indigestion and *that's* how she got out. In any case, somebody must have made Spidey go outside between replies or something, so that Sunshine could walk back in, like Mickey said. Ok. I'm done filling plot-holes. On with the story!
***
Mrs. Mo: Sunshine! You're alive! Damn!
Sunshine: That dress makes your hips look fat. I have the stupidest big sister in the world. I hate you and all your stupid friends.
***
<Meanwhile, Lita and Evil Mike are hiding in… uh… oh good. Another thing I didn't bother to think of before sitting down to write the post. I'll start again.>
<Meanwhile, Lita and Evil Mike are hiding.>
<(That's better!)>
Lita: <who is now sober enough to talk like a normal person because of the aforementioned sobering effects of being afraid for your life> Do you think they'll find us?
EM: I don't know. Probably eventually.
Lita: What do you think will happen then?
EM: Well, you murdered Mrs. Mo's little sister. She's probably pretty pissed-off about that. I bet she'll have you killed.
Lita: No! She can't kill me! I'm America's Sweetheart!
EM: Sure she can. I just don't get why *I* have to hide too. You're the one who killed the innocent little girl.
Lita: If I'm going down, I'm taking you with me. Besides, I like people, so I usually don't set Spidey to "Digest" when I have him eat them. So I'm just wondering *who* could have left Spidey on the wrong setting. Who, who, who?
EM: I don't know, Mickey?
Lita: Evil Mike, you know perfectly well it was not Mickey.
EM: No, he strikes me as really unstable.
Lita: You did it, Evil Mike, and you know it. You're in as much trouble as I am.
EM: Ok, fine.
Lita: Fine.
<There are a few moments of silence.>
Lita: Hey, Evil Mike, if Mrs. Mo finds us and tries to kill me, will you fight her for me?
EM: I don't know… fighting with Mrs. Mo…
Lita: Pleeeeease? I'm too loveable to die.
EM: Hmmm… <he smiles faintly> *Wrestling* with Mrs. Mo…
Lita: Evil Mike?
EM: *Mud* Wrestling with Mrs. Mo… <Evil Mike's eyes kind of glaze over>
Lita: Evil Mike?! Hey, quit that! Hey! Mike!
<Lita waves her hand in front of Evil Mike's face. He doesn't come around, so she slaps him lightly.>
EM: Hey! <He pushes her>
Lita: Oh… you did *not* just do that!
<Lita and Evil Mike start fighting. At least it looks like they're fighting… Oh… wait… whatever they started out doing, they're definitely not fighting now. For crying out loud, Lita and Evil Mike! That's no way to hide! I'm going to end this reply now before any pretty minds get damaged. It's fortunate nobody's actually looking for those two crazy kids.>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
is glad she's not a murderer.
(Or, she will be when she finds out.)
I would like just enough snow to make a decent snowman, and maybe have a snowball fight.
You can keep the rest.
#1394
I'm still a snowman?
Date: 12/22/2001
From: TorksXmasSpecial
Oh well.
(singing) Have a Holly, Jolly Christmas...
Oh, and take this!
<Tork throws a snowball at the NEXT person to reply.>
#1395
Lita: Aaaack!!! Cold!!!
Date: 12/23/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
...........................................................
<Lita sits up and brushes snow off herself.>
Lita: Where the heck did that snowball come from?
EM: Who knows? It's a mystery. Now, where were we…
Lita: No… no… Stop. I just got a bunch of snow down my neck. That's a real mood killer. We may as well put our clothes back on.
EM: <grumbling> If I find out who threw that snowball…
<A short while later, Lita pokes her head out of the hiding place and looks around.>
Lita: I don't see anybody. I think it's safe to come out.
<She and Evil Mike crawl out from behind a large statue (so that's where they were!) and stand up.>
Lita: Evil Mike, I wasn't paying much attention to which way I was going on our way here… do you recognize where we are?
EM: What? You think I've been here before? Of course I don't know where we are.
Lita: Oooookay. In that case… do you remember the way back to the party?
EM: Nope.
Lita: Huh. That's probably not good. I guess we're lost.
EM: Why do you want to go back to the party anyway? We're hiding from people who want to kill us, remember?
Lita: Do you have any better ideas? Besides, they don't *all* want to kill us. Just the ones who liked Sunshine.
EM: Right.
Lita: Ok. I think I know which way to go. <Lita poins down one of the corridors> I think that's the way back to the party.
EM: What makes you think that?
Lita: Let's go.
<They start walking down the corridor. Lita has a terrible sense of direction, which is probably why she and Evil Mike are now headed in entirely the wrong way. Why anybody would ever let her be the group navigator is waaay beyond me, but it keeps on happening!>
***
<Back at the party>
Lita42: Clearly, 9000 is too busy endangering herself and Evil Mike to do this on her own. So I'm going to fill in.
<42 dumps a huge pile of snow onto the head of the next person to reply!1!!1!!>
Lita
Queen Bitch
And some other stuff too
#1396
Is it safe to come back yet?
Date: 12/23/2001
From: IamWritersBlock
doo dee do...HEY!
That is freezing! You people just don't appreciate me. I'm going back into limbo.
But first.........
(Writer's Block gathers up some slush, and hurls a slushball...eeeew!...at the next person to reply)
#1397
<Sunday looks at WritersBlock>
Date: 12/23/2001
From: Sunday12
<WritersBlock looks at Sunday. WritersBlock puts down the slush and waits for the next person>
<Sunday sees Nabut tied up and in a force field and stuff. She frees the poor dope.>
Sunday: Tell PharaohMobius I said Merry Christmas!
<Nabutt runs off in a fury and looking for a PharaohMobius to destroy.>
#1398
42: Oh! That's icky!
Date: 12/23/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
...........................................................
42: And really freezing! And messy! Apparently as a Lita clone it's my job to get hit with the slushballs while she's too busy with side plots. Hmph! All right, icy cold retribution is coming right up. But first 9000 wants to barge in on my post with a post of her own. What a cheap way to avoid being hit by snowballs!
***
<Lita 9000 and Evil Mike have been wandering around for hours, and they're still nowhere near the party.>
EM: All right, Lita. That's it. I've been following you around for hours, and I bet we're still nowhere near the party. You suck at finding places.
Lita: Then which way do you think we should go, if you're so smart?
EM: <Poins at a nearby door> I think the party is through there.
Lita: Oh, right through this door I led us to, huh? So I did find the party, then.
EM: No! No way were you about to try that door on your own! You needed me to tell you that was the right door! So you didn't find it!
Lita: I don't think that's the right door anyway. It doesn't look right.
EM: You don't know what the right door looks like. You got us lost in the first place. Come on.
<Evil Mike pushes the door open. He and Lita look inside. What they see is a big dumb looking gold mask on a rising platform. Behind it sit a number of crudely constructed papier-mache replicas of the heads of various world leaders. Milling around the room are a number of shock troopers, who are also now looking at Lita and Evil Mike in a not-too-friendly manner, and raising their weapons in an even less friendly manner.>
Lita: Oh, poopie.
EM: Heh, this might have been the wrong door.
Lita: I don't think we were supposed to see this…
EM: Perhaps we should run.
Lita: Yes… I think so.
<Lita and Evil Mike run away. The shock troopers chase them, and shoot at them some too… which isn't very nice. Fortunately, they were trained in the traditional Pulp Villain Evil Army fashion, meaning they can't aim worth a darn. Since they are aiming at Lita and Evil Mike, Lita and Evil Mike are probably the safest people in the building. The shock troopers mostly damage PM's expensive and priceless antique Egypt memorabilia that decorates the place. Lita and Evil Mike run away anyway.>
Lita: Boy, Evil Mike, I tell ya! I let you make the decisions for one minute, and already we're nearly being killed!
EM: Hey, shut up! And I know how you women are in chases like this. You better not fall and break your stupid weak woman ankles, or some stupid crap like that, 'cause if you do, I'm not going to stop to carry you!
Lita: Mike, if I weren't fleeing for my life right now, I'd smack you so hard…
EM: Less talking, more running.
***
Lita42: Ok! Back to me now! And I'm all ready!
<42 dumps snow down the shirt of the next person to reply.>
Lita42
Looks like the big advantage to having clones is the ability to be in two places at once.
#1399
Cows don't wear shirts.
Date: 12/23/2001
From: Lord_KFB_Cow
MOO!
#1400
Brrrrr........
Date: 12/23/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
BUT IT WAS WORTH IT!
(Mickey tackles the next person and gives them a whitewash)
Not bothering with my tagline.
#1401
Oh, yeah...I'm such a vulture.
Date: 12/23/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
I don't count, only the next person.
#1402
Tee-hee! Oopsie!
Date: 12/23/2001
From: Carmelita42
.........................................................
I used the wrong handle for that last reply!!
<The slushball that Lita42 unsuccessfully tried to take for Lita9000 materializes out of nowhere, and hits 9000 right between the eyes. That's pretty inconvenient considering her current circumstances.>
Lita9000: Gah!! Where do those things keep coming from??
<One of the shock troopers makes a lucky shot and nearly hits Lita.>
Lita9000: Nevermind! I'll work that out later! EEEk!
***
<At the party>
Lita42: All right! The next person to reply will be buried up to their neck in snow! Ha ha ha-- eek!
<Mickey tackles 42>
Lita42: Mickey! What the hell are you doing! Stop that! And don't think this lets the next poster off the hook!
Lita42
has no tagline to call her own.
#1403
HA! EAT SNOW, 42!!!!
Date: 12/23/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
I hated getting whitewashes.
(Mickey looks up) The hel....(a mound of snow falls on Mickey, burying him)
Mickey: Mmph mmph mmph mmpph mpph mpph mpph mpph!!!!*
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Mmph.
Translation: As soon as I tunnel out of here, I'm packing ice into a snowball headed for the next person to reply!
(NEVER mess with a veteran of New England winters...NEVER)
#1404
I think I'll head over to the bar!
Date: 12/23/2001
From: AnOldRedneckReindeer
Yes, I am not drunk no more!
gramps: Doopie doopie doo... <gets covered by a pile of slushy snow> AAAAACK!!!!!
Mickey: Take that, old coot! You deserve it, saying I can't take but one sip of the good stuff and I'm out!
gramps: Grrr... Fine, I apologize, and I'm not angry at you for the snow. Let's have a drink to show we're friends again, shall we?
Mickey: Hmmm... that seems very suspicious, but it's drinking and I don't care! Okay, gramps, I'm ready!
gramps: <pulls out a jug of Rowsdower-brewed moonshine, and pours Mickey a shot glass> Here you go!
Mickey: Thanks! <gets a whiff of the drink and passes out on the floor>
gramps: Poor kid... well, more for me! <drinks the shot in one guzzle> Now let's get some snow together here for the next person to drop by...
gramps!
Will type titles later!
3:37 P.M. CST!
#1405
I don't even know what a whitewash is.
Date: 12/23/2001
From: Carmelita42
..........................................................
<Everybody laughs at 42 and pelts her with snowballs because of her lack of snow related knowledge. We can only assume that a lot of it came from gramps's stockpile.>
Lita42: *sniff* Fine! <picks up a snowshovel> The next person who replies, I'm going to beat the crap out of them with this shovel!
SnowTork: Gee, that's a bit violent, don't you think?
Lita42: Really? You think so?
SnowTork: Yeah… somebody could get hurt.
Lita42: All right. In that case…
<Lita42 drags SnowTork up to the top of a convenient nearby hill, and pushes him down it. As he rolls down the hill, more and more snow sticks to him until he's a really huge ball of snow, and getting bigger all the time!>
Lita42: There! The next person to reply is going to get hit with a big SnowTorkBall!
Voice From the Crowd: What if Tork replies???
Lita42: Er… he'll hit a tree. Or something. I don't know! Shut up!
<42 gets a big shovelfull of snow (and some dirt and crud too) and tosses it into the crowd. All the other posters get hit with dirty snow!>
Lita42: Make fun of *me* for not knowing what a whitewash is, will you?
Lita42
Note from 9000:
I'm looking out the window
at all the sunshine and the green grass right now.
Snow? Cripes!
#1406
I'll field that question...
Date: 12/23/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
Be kind, please rewind...........
Excuse me one second....
(Mickey steps out of the way of the giant Tork ball)
A "whitewash", (I don't know, maybe it's a local specialty, or maybe no one wants to reply so they can leave the Californian in the dark. They're so mean.) is when you tackle someone (the tackling isn't required, but it sure helps) and force their face into the snow. The "whitewasher" then proceeds to rub the "whitewashee's" face in the snow.
I was quite the little shrimp growing up, so I got these a lot. They suck!
There. Now you know. And if you'll excuse me...the next person to reply gets Abominabled! (No I don't know what it means, I just like the sound of it)
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Snow! Yay! No school tomorrow!!!!
#1407
[PM] Okay, so where wer -- the hell?!?!?
Date: 12/24/2001
From: SantaMobius
Merry Christmas, movie house!!!!!!
[PM sees Mickey step out of the way of a giant Tork-ball, and now it's rolling his way!]
[PM] Eeep! [He ducks. The Tork-ball passes over him and hits an Anubis statue, which falls over and knocks out a section of wall. A growling can be heard from inside the hole.]
[?????] RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRR!!!!
[Lita] Okay, that doesn't sound good.
[Gramps] Whut wussssssh THATSH?!?!?
[PM] Mickey, you fool! Do you realize what you've done?
[Mickey] W-w-what did I do?
[PM] You've released the... the...
[Evil Mike] Spit it out, man!
[A HUGE claymation yeti walks out of the hole. He's big, hairy, smelly, and SCARY!!!!]
[PM] It's THE BUMBLE!!!
[Bumble] RRRRAAAARRRRAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGH!!!!
[The Bumble picks up PM and gives him a noogie. Then he gives Tork a wedgie, Mickey a whitewash, Evil Mike a jock lock, Lita a dutch rub, Grandmapa a purple nurple, that Sunday bitch a hurtzdonut, Writer's Block a wet willy, and Nabut the dreaded Rear Admiral!]
[Bumble] RRRRROOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!
[Rimmer ducks behind a statue to escape the frankly juvenile wrath of the Bumble. Strangely enough, it's the same statue Lita and Evil Mike were hiding behind earlier...]
[Rimmer] Phew! Why in the hell would PM keep something like *that* in his home?!?
[Unseen person right behind Rimmer] Because he's a Pulp Villain, and those guys always have monsters in their home bases.
[Rimmer turns around rapidly... to see that she's staring into the eyes of Cara, her lesbian love interest!]
[Rimmer] Aaaack! Cara, what're you doing here?
[Cara, smiling.] Same as you, lover. Hiding from that overgrown stop-motion testosterone factory.
[Rimmer] I told you, don't call me that! You're only in this RP to boost the ratings!
[Cara] That's not what you said last night, sweet cheeks!
[Rimmer] No, what I said last night is GET THE HELL OUT OF MY BED, YOU FREAK!
[Cara giggles.] You're so *cute*. Always playing hard to get. Well I've got a new game for you now, lover... [Cara pounces on Rimmer and plants a wet, sloppy kiss on her before she can resist.]
[Rimmer, looking *extremely* unhappy and grossed out.] MMMMMMMMMMPPPHHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPHHHHHHMMMPPHHPPHHH!!!!!!*
[* Too much profanity in this to translate it for you, but suffice it to say, Rimmer wants this to stop right now, and promises murder and genital mutilation to Cara if she doesn't stop.]
The mad Pharaoh Mobius
Vice-President of the Mr. T Fan Club
Ouch! The Bumble's noogies HURT!
Bruised Sarcophagus!
#1408
Oooohhh...good one!
Date: 12/24/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
Merry Christmas Eve Afternoon!
Mickey: What have I done? WHAT HAVE I DONE?
PM: Nothing really, he was one of mine.
Mickey: Oh. Hey, I saw this one, I got an idea...Oink Oink!
(The snowman picks up Mickey and throws him onto a very poiny end of the statue...ouch)
Rimmer: See Mickey, all this winter warring is all fun and games until someone gets hurt!
Cara: You tell him.
Rimmer: Hey, shutup.
Mickey: Tork Started it!
Tork: No! It was Sunday! (Sunday starts looking at Tork) Woops, it was me! I'm so wrong for trying to place the blame on someone else.
Rimmer: Liat, do you have an idea?
Liat: No (leaves...Ladies and gentlemen, that was Liat's last ever line in the rp, let's give her a hand!)
Sunshine: I hate this stupid monster! (kicks it)
Lita: Sunshine! Your alive! (Whoops. A little too much excitement considering who it is) Oh...goody. (That's better)
Evil Mike: Hey, everyone! Go, now! I've got an idea!
(everyone starts to run, but then stops)
Everyone: Huh?
Evil Mike: Hey! I'm not just the eye candy! I know stuff, too.
Everybody: Oh (starts running away again)
(What follows is an exciting scene in which Evil Mike allows the snowman to chase him into the greenhouse where G.R.O.P.E. trapped the other snowman. He's so brave. Wow, I'm kissing Evil Mike's ass way too much in this reply. No, I'm not Lita.)
Evil Mike: Got you now (runs out of the greenhouse locking the snowman in)
(Oh nice going Evil Mike...this one's clay, he won't melt)
Evil Mike: Shutup, you stupid narrator! I thought of that part.
Narrator: Oh, sorry.
(Anyway, back to everybody else. As they hide they see small animals parading in front of them)
Lita: Oh no, he's...well I guess this time it's a good thing.
(Back to Evil Mike at the greenhouse)
Evil Mike: Ah your right on time. Come right in (opens the door a tiny crack, so the animals can get in)
(As Evil Mike runs away, a loud KA-BOOM! is heard. We can only guess the snowman is dead. And it is, so no one try to bring him back, okay?)
Lita: Evil Mike saved the day!
Gramps: Wha...? Really?
Tork: I know...I'm shocked too.
Lita: Is it really *that* hard to believe?
Tork: You were in doubt too!
Lita: Don't tell him. His ego is too fragile. (All run off to celebrate Evil Mike's victory)
Mickey: Hey wait! Anyone want to get me down? Hello?
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
He had a remote control, okay? Geesh.
#1409
Gah! Lesbian kisses!
Date: 12/24/2001
From: Ghost_of_Rimmer_Past
Rimmi: Cara, Maybe Lita 42 needs a lesbian lover. Or maybe Sunday. <Sunday glares at Rimmi> ...or- or maybe Liat.
Liat: I'm not suppose to speak anymore.
Rimmi: Why not?
Liat: <Shrugs> I don't even know why I'm here but I'm supposed to shut up now.
Rimmi: That's not right.
Cara: No, it isn't right.
Rimmi: Here, I'll let you talk to my alternate reality self; Riimi. She needs a friend.
Liat: Cool! <Liat and Riimi run off together to do alternate reality stuff.
Cara: Aww... They make such a cute couple, like us. <puts her head on Rimmi's shoulder>
Rimmi: We are not a couple.
Sunday: Hey, didn't I untie Nabut? He should be ripping PM apart right now.
<Suddenly Nabut appears and begins ripping PM apart right now. (Ya know, I'm so used to typing Rimmi that I almost said Nabut was rimming PM right now but luckily I caught that! Of course then Cara and I wouldn't have to play the gay couple anymore but that would certainly up our to XXX!)>
PM: AAAAAAAAAGH!!!!
#1410
Hold on a sec...
Date: 12/24/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
rewind rewind rewind rewind rewind rewind rewind rewind
How did Evil Mike and I get back to the party? Last I checked, a whole bunch of this was going on…
<Lita and Evil Mike are being chased around by shock troopers>
Just let me fill in the gap really quick, since I have that unhealthy obsession with continuity that I must satisfy…
<Lita pulls out a bunch of duct tape and wraps it aaaalllll over the rp. And here's what it looks like…>
*****
<Lita and EM run and run and run…>
EM: Wait! I know!
<Lita and Evil Mike dash into a side corridor, and press up flat against the wall.>
Lita: *whispering* Ok! Now what?
EM: *whispering* Just watch!
<The shock troopers turn the corner, and surround Lita and Evil Mike, who raise their hands. The shock troopers start leading them away to wherever they're planning to lead them.>
Lita: Oh! Good! You got us captured! Great plan!
EM: They were supposed to not notice we turned and run right past! That's how it works in the movies!
Lita: Well, I have a better idea anyway.
<Lita pulls Evil Mike out a window that just happens to be conveniently placed right there. It's a big drop, but their fall is cushioned by all the snow outside. The shock troopers aim their guns out the window to shoot Lita and Evil Mike, but they run away too fast. They run around the building until they find the main entrance, and enter. There! They're back at the party! Lita walks up to PM.>
PM: Hey! You're back! Where have you been?
Lita: Where have we been?
<She slaps him so hard it knocks his hat all crooked.>
PM: Ow! What was that for?
<Before he has a chance to straighten his hat, Lita kicks him in the shin.>
Lita: Where have we been??? Evil Mike and I have been trying not to get shot! That's where we've been!
PM: Really? Who was shooting at you?
Lita: Your guys who were guarding your stupid gold Pumaman mind control mask, you jerk!
PM: I don't have a Pumamaman mind control mask.
Lita: Yes you do! I saw it, and so did Evil Mike. Right Evil Mike?
EM: What? I wasn't paying attention.
PM: I think I know what's going on. Lita, you were drunk, right?
Lita: What's your poin?
PM: I bet you and Evil Mike just ran off to have some alone time, and you were drunk, and--
Lita: Quit being insulting!
PM: So you two didn't run off and… er…
Lita: Shut up, you pervert!
EM: We sure did!
PM: I'm just saying you probably just *thought* you saw all that stuff because you were completely drunk.
<Lita narrows her eyes. But before she can give her snippy answer, all that stuff that went on in PM's and Mickey's, and Rimmer's replies happens. And now this rp has some semblance of making sense again! Yay! So now we're back to the end of Rimmer's reply, where Nabut is ripping PM apart right now.>
PM: AAAAAAAAAGH!!!!
Lita: Wow. I guess that saves me some trouble.
Rimmer: Some party, huh? Seems like everybody got beat up. What a terrible party!
Lita: I'd say this is probably the third worst party I've been to.
EM: Really? I was going to say it was the best.
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
needs to seek professional help for her plot hole obsession.
#1411
My typo, er...Liat
Date: 12/24/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
Now everybody, SING!!!!!!!
was not forced out of the rp, she has chosen to retire. Quick little secret: Liat's been working in this buisness since 1910, but don't be insulted Lita, she's preserved herself very well (Those pinial juice rumors remain unfounded, however).
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Fa la la la la la la la la
#1412
Ohhhh, that Cara (n/t)
Date: 12/24/2001
From: TorksXmasSpecial
I guess I just lost track of a character. Dang.
Owww, this wedgie really hurts.
hey, wait a minute. I had Rimmer on my "Who is Sunday12?" betting slip. What do I win? What do I win?
<Tork gives a really nice present to the next person to reply.>
#1413
Merry Christmas, y'all!
Date: 12/25/2001
From: AnOldRedneckReindeer
*<(:O{D} Santa!!!!
I hope you all are having a great holiday and days off! God bless us, everyone!
Oh, a present! Why thank you, Tork! <opens it to find the video Gymkata> Wow! Such horrid viewing! Thanks again!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
<back outside MSTBlanca>
Mickey: Help, please!
gramps: Silly young'uns! Just wait till your sweater rips, like in the cartoons! Then you'll be on the ground in no time!
Lita: Wait! Mike could save you! Right?
EM: Nah, I'm too tired after all of that running and blowing up stuff. I need some rest!
Lita: By the way, what was it that exactly caused the greenhouse to blow up in the first place?
EM: Well, as I was looking through your purse for your credit cards, I came across a remote with, I'd say, about 9000 buttons! I just kept it in my pocket and I must've accidently pressed a button as I was running. Boy, that *was* an explosion, wasn't it?
Lita: Oh no! The only way that would've caused an explosion is if... there was one of my clones in the greenhouse!
gramps: Oh yeah, so *that's* where I buried 5738! <hearty sitcom laughter!>
Lita: Grrr! gramps, how could you?! First, you killed 5738, then you cause an explosion with my dead clone, killing an evil snow beast!!!
EM: Excuse me, but *I* did all that killing, thank you! All of it except the clone thing, though!
Tork: Okay, fine! Let's just drop it! Oh, there's Rimmer and her lesbian lover! <enter the unlovely semi-couple>
Cara: Hi, y'all! I'm gay, and I love Rimmi-wimmi here!
Rimmer: I sure don't love you! Now stop that! Yuck!
<all of a sudden, Mickey's sweater rips, and he falls straight onto Cara's cranium, knocking her unconscious, not to mention leaving Mickey freaking freezing and topless! That sounded nasty, so he has on an undershirt, but he's still freezing! All better!>
Mickey: Finally... GAH!!! IT'S COLD!!! MOMMY!!!
Rimmer: Finally, she's gone! Thanks Mickey!
Mickey: HELP MEEEEEEEEE!!!
EM: Quit being such a baby! It's perfectly warm in my leather jacket, lined with mink!
Lita: All artificial, by the way! <everyone except Mickey and Cara wink a cheesy wink>
Mickey: THAT WAS DANGEROUSLY CHEESY!!! NOW HELP ME!!!
gramps: Here! Spoiled whipper-snappers these days, honestly... <waves his magical walker and provides Mickey with a wool sweater>
Mickey: Finally... GAH!!! IT ITCHES!!!
Tork: I'm telling you, I don't get easily annoyed, but that's getting on my nerves! Just shut up! <Tork breaks a pencil!>
Invisible voices in everyone's head: GASP!!!
Tork: Opps, sorry. Just got a little carried away, heh...
magrandpa?
grandmapa!, sch.
The Elderly Gender-Bender!
Vice-Prez of the I Hate Riddler Club!
President of the I Hate Hamburglar Club!
President of the Mr. T Fan Club!
Second-Place Winner of Wacky Races 2001!
It's supposed to be
23 degrees tonight!
For goodness sakes,
It's 100 degrees
In the summer
In South Alabama!
5:34 P.M. CST!
#1414
Merry Christmas to all!!! [OOC]
Date: 12/25/2001
From: PharaohMobius
I've put up my Christmas present to you all on the main page of my TFTD site.
http://pharaohmobius.tripod.com/TFTD/
Enjoy, all! Hope you're having a good one!
TmPM
Yuletide Sarcophagus!
#1415
Merry Christmas one and all!
Date: 12/25/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
Gramps, are you ok?
Evil Mike has this interesting habit of strapping explosives to small animals and blowing up buildings (MSTBlanca, the hospital, a castle and now, a greenhouse)
Have you been paying attention to this rp? I've lived in New England all my life! I can run out in to the snow naked and it still wouldn't break me (Hey, that's my Christmas card to everybody...Just kidding).
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Ho Ho Ho
#1416
You never said they exploded!
Date: 12/25/2001
From: AnOldRedneckReindeer
<<<<<<<<<<<<
But *sniff* they must've died in the explosion! WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!1!!!!11!
Sorry for the error, and I'll do better! I'll see to it! :o)
PM, that drawing was so wonderful! That truly is the reason for the season. I pray that all of you will have a safe Christmas with your family and friends, and that you'll all have a blessed New Year!
Happy Birthday Jesus!!!!!!!
gramps!
6:10 P.M. CST!
#1417
Ah, I ain't mad, Gramps!
Date: 12/25/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
Oooh...open mine first!
Sure, by saying, "a loud KA-BOOM! is heard" it's kind of self explanitory, but It's Christmas! So buck up!
Oh yeah, the animals did die, that's kind of a bummer.
Huh...I'm all sad now...
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Oh, a tie...gee, thanks.
#1418
Lita: So, what blew up the greenhouse?
Date: 12/25/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
......................................................
Lita: Was it my deceased clone, or was it all the cyuuute widdle animows?
Mickey: What's an animow?
EM: Actually, it was both. I detonated them all at the same time.
Lita: Evil Mike! That's sick!
EM: What can I say? I'm a sucker for big explosions and mass destruction.
***
Merry Christmas to all of you! I have nice mugs of hot cocoa for everybody, and the next person to reply gets little marshmallows too!
Lita
is forgoing the tagline for tonight
as a Christmas present for all of you.
This is the last night that I get to use the Surly Elf handle!
*sniff* I'll miss it so much!
Next up: Sometimes things just screw up. In this case, the plot.
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